Should I Tell My Fiance That I Used To Be A Prostitute?

Should I Tell My Fiance That I Used To Be A Prostitute?

I did it for a few short years, less time than he and I have been together, and it isn’t who I am. I am now pursuing a degree in economics. This secret would ruin my relationship, as in it would be over, forever. What should I do? Please don’t try to make me feel worse, I feel enough guilt as is.

Thanks for those of you who gave advice instead of judging. I am sure all of you have made mistakes in your life that you aren’t proud of, and even lied before. I appreciate all the REAL answers here it has really helped me to make my decision.

These are the reactions that ensued that Questions. What advice would you give?

A secret this big is going to come out sooner later.

You should also start thinking about what you’re going to do if his family find out.

I disagree. When you meet a partner do you disclose your full sexual history to them? What you’ve done and where you’ve been, all of the people you’ve fucked and the positions you did it in?
I bet you don’t.

Likewise I see no reason why he needs to know this. It’s in the past, it’s none of his business. Having been a prostitute doesn’t make her a bad person or “tainted goods” or whatever. Maybe if she has a criminal conviction for it, you’ll have to tell your partner out of necessity, but if not I see no reason why the new partner has any right to know about things that happened before him.

What only matters is if the OP feels like it’s something she needs to disclose, or feels it would disrespectful to not tell him. If she’s happy burying it in the past, then great. If not, then she needs to tell him before the relationship moves further.

How far does it extend? Is it your business what texts she gets on her phone and what guys she speaks to during the day? Or is it solely to do with sexual history?

And you would extend the same courtesy, right? When a new partner demands to know the details of everyone you’ve been with because she says has a right to know, you’ll tell her straight out without hesitation, right?

I never said she should actively hide it from him, in fact I said the exact opposite. He doesn’t need to know because it’s none of this business, but if there’s a good chance it will become an issue for the OP then she needs to come out and tell him.

I find it bizarre this notion that once in a relationship the notion of privacy is somehow eradicated and there’s no question off bounds or unreasonable to ask. Like “how often do you masturbate”, it’s fine to ask but don’t get annoyed if I tell you it’s none of your business.

Because being a prostitute is a little different from sexual history. If its something thats going to end the relationship, then it is his business and he should be making the choice if hes ok with it.

This isn’t sexual history. This is arguably employment, and a criminal history. Moreover, the OP recognizes that this is a serious issue and something that could make or break her relationship. It absolutely is his business. It’s up to him to decide whether he wants to stay with her. You might not think it makes her a bad person, but he very well may feel that way.

Your argument goes against any basic relationship advice. To say that a new partner has no right to know about things that happened before him is stupid. By that logic, you have no right to know how many sexual partners your SO has had, how many serious relationships they’ve had, how many times they’ve cheated, all things some people consider deal breakers.

How the OP feels is only half the story. She knows this is a big secret. It would be disrespectful of her to withhold that knowing her SO may think it’s important.

Based on statistics and probability, I think OP is right in assuming this. Based on how an individual would react, who knows?

It would be difficult, but honestly, if I had known she had many partners before and was just unaware of the circumstances, I’d probably try to make it work. Not saying it would be easy, but I’d really appreciate her courage/honesty and after everything we would have been through (years), my ability to tolerate it would help reinforce how much I love her.

This guy is right this is the last chance to air dirty laundry without potentially needing a lawyer.

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